How to Help Your Child After Failing Their Exams
Parents’ desire for their children to succeed is only natural. This is particularly true for their tests, which are one of the most important factors that can guarantee a child’s academic success and help them reach their aspirations for a promising future. Not only do parents feel discouraged when their children receive poor exam scores, but the children themselves also feel discouraged. However, a lot of parents in Singapore respond badly to their child’s academic performance due to the pressure to perform well, which increases their worry and may even traumatize certain kids.
If we want our kids to do better and perform better the following time, this isn’t the way to go. In such circumstances, parents should recognize that their child is also thinking negatively about their grades and that focusing solely on negativity won’t benefit either party. Negative parental reactions can make children feel worse and simply increase their emotions of embarrassment and disappointment. They may even begin to question their own value.
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Why do students fail their exams?
Even when a child says that they were able to study for their examinations, there are nevertheless situations in which they fail them. Despite taking all the necessary steps to prepare for their exams, many bright and typically industrious students have experienced exam blues, or red marks for short. This raises the question of why they failed the tests if they were prepared. This can happen for several reasons, including:
- Exam anxiety
Everyone has been there. Performance anxiety can affect anyone from students to even adults. This can be characterized by symptoms such as nausea, migraines, and accelerated heartbeat and can even be described as “butterflies in the stomach”. Exam anxiety can cause the student to lose their focus on the exam resulting in them not doing well at all and some even can’t finish their exams altogether.
- Exam strategies
While some exams still rely on what the student should know, there are still some parts of the exam that tackle the critical thinking skills of students. Some exam strategies can be the cause of why students receive low marks. In answering exams, students shouldn’t only focus on memorization alone and should be able to incorporate other techniques, especially with time management as it’s common for students to fail because they haven’t finished their exams.
- Low self-confidence
Another aspect that can trigger anxiety and result in lower marks for students is the matter of their self-confidence. A teacher once told us the first step in taking an exam is to calm yourself and the next is to understand that you know more than what you let on. Some students can be terrorized by their fear of failing their exams or not having enough confidence in their knowledge and skills and doubt themselves. When they start to do this, understanding questions becomes harder and harder. And so, even before the test wraps up, they will already think they are a failure without utilizing the skills they have developed.
- Too much self-confidence
At the far end of the spectrum, some students have way too much confidence in their skills that it borderlines on arrogance. Because of this, they will think that they already will get the best scores in their exams and will not take the measures to ensure they can actually achieve them.
- Improper learning materials
Sometimes, it isn’t just internal factors that play a part in a student’s failure. Some student can fail their exams because they used the wrong study materials or used the wrong techniques to study. This can range from using flashcards to memorizing when the child is an auditory learner or even when a child studies notes that are unorganized or illegible. It may seem like a joke but many students miss the correct answer because they misinterpret what is written in their notes.
How to help your child when they fail their exams?
It’s upsetting to watch the child deal with the pressure of failing tests and skipping a vital stage that could lead to academic achievement. Parents should be available to help children get back on track to their success path, though, because they can learn a lot from failure.
1. Don’t blame your child
The first thing parents should do is refrain from pointing fingers and blaming their children for failing their exams. Understandably, parents may be enraged with the results of the exams. This can prompt them to point out the habits of their child that they think contributed to this such as not waking up as early as they wanted, playing after school, or even spending time watching TV.
Children don’t go to exams with the intention to fail for the fun of it. It’s important to understand that students don’t fail on purpose. As such, instead of blaming the child, parents should be the first to initiate moving forward from this and give positive support to their children. It may be easier said than done but there is practically nothing parents can do once the results are given. The child has already failed, there is no use in bombarding them with hurtful words and blaming them for what they could’ve done. Doing this to the child can also elevate their stress level and can cause them to develop anxiety. There’s no point in making the child feel guilty for what has already happened, instead, parents can help them get back to their feet.
2. Don’t compare them to other students
When a child fails, parents frequently respond by pitting them with other students or even the child’s siblings who have performed better or are high achievers. Why is the child not benefiting from this? Exam failure has already damaged the child’s self-esteem, but parents would feel worse if they compared them to other kids. In addition to feeling depressed about failing the tests, the youngster can also believe that their parents are ashamed of them and consider them a letdown because they aren’t meeting their standards.
Every child is different from one another and they have different strengths and weaknesses. Comparing a child with another will only upset the child even more and can even make their already low self-confidence even lower. This can also lead to serious mental health issues.
3. Communicate with your child
Speaking with the child can be quite beneficial, particularly after they have had setbacks. This is as beneficial to parents as it is to children. Parents can gain some insight into their children’s challenges by having an open-minded discussion. Instead of assisting the child, speculating that they are not putting in enough effort for the test will just make matters worse. It may be possible to communicate with parents about additional aspects that may be contributing to their children’s poor exam performance.
Parents can ask the child what they feel or why they think they failed the exam. Parents should listen to what their children have to say and not immediately assume this or that. This can even lead to the student opening up about other matters such as learning difficulties or bullying. Ask the child in what way can the parents help them with improving the situation. Children need their parents’ support more during times like this and a parent-child relationship is just as important to help students achieve their academic goals.
4. Help them develop better study habits
As previously said, there may be situations in which a child uses inappropriate study techniques and fails their exam. They may not be completely prepared for the test because they did not study enough. On the other hand, excessive study may also contribute to poorer grades. Students who study excessively for an exam run the risk of burnout and become distracted on test day after studying excessively. Even after they have studied their lessons, they may be too exhausted to focus.
Just as adults are pushing for a better work-life balance, children should also be able to have a balanced study life. While it’s important for them to follow through with their lessons even at home, they also need time to rest and relax. Let them spend time playing or participating in sports. After sitting in their classrooms, they are bound to get fidgety with all their pent-up energy. Helping them have the means to release them can also help the students balance their lives outside of the academe.
Parents can also introduce schedules to the child so they would have an opportunity to allot different activities throughout the day and would have time to do what they are interested in without sacrificing their time for studying.
5. Hire a tutor
In Singapore, there’s no shortage of help with academics. If the parent doesn’t have the time to actively look into the child’s study habits, they can hire professional help from home tuition. Home tuition offers students personalized lessons that will help them deal with their weak areas. As such, home tutors can also give examination-taking techniques to their students to make sure that students can maximize their answers and the best way to approach them.
Conclusion
Exam results that don’t meet expectations can be discouraging for both parents and kids, but it’s important to react with compassion, understanding, and helpful encouragement. Failure is a chance for development and education rather than the end. Parents can assist their children in developing resilience and confidence by avoiding placing blame, avoiding comparisons, keeping lines of communication open, promoting better study habits, and, when needed, seeking out extra help like tutoring. In the end, a caring and encouraging atmosphere is essential for assisting kids in overcoming obstacles and aiming for future academic achievement.
Carelle
Carelle is a teacher who has been through the ups and downs of the teacher and learner life. She wishes for every learner to gain educational satisfaction that will help embody the people they want to be in the future.
