Stress: Why Are My Siblings Doing Way Better Than Me?

We might be born into a family with already an elder sibling, or we might have been born into one without but parents decided to give birth to a cute little sibling. As cosy as family might sound, there’s definitely going to comparisons at some point. Sometimes, these comparisons go far beyond edifying and positive, and that is when we need to stop, pause and think it through. We need to reason out the questions we have properly, instead of thinking we just suck. So, why are our siblings just doing way better than us?

Different Phases In Life

Ever considered that you and your siblings might be going through different phases in life? If your sibling is still in Primary School and doing very well, that seems quite normal yeah? Usually in the younger ages, learning is easier and it gets harder as you grow older. Or maybe your sibling is in higher education and doing really well because they have successfully overcome the devil of procrastination or are pursuing things they love? It’s difficult to compare when you and your sibling are at different stages in life and maturity levels also greatly vary? Not only that, you might have many other commitments compared to your sibling vice versa. We can’t compare an apple with an orange right? It’s the same logic in this case.

Every Child Is Born Different

If the previous point wasn’t applicable to you because your sibling is the same age as you or for just any other reason not applicable to you, this one will prove you wrong. Just like how our DNA varies even for twins, every child is born different. We are born uniquely and our skill sets, abilities and character are special. Okay, your sibling might be a high-achiever in school but I’m sure there are things you can do which they can’t. In fact, maybe your end goals are going to be different. What matters is not whether they got a higher PSLE score than you or if they got into the top school but you didn’t – it’s whether you’re happy with where you’re at and put in your best effort in everything you do. There are bound to be differences, it’s time to be comfortable with them existing in our lives.

Use This As A Motivation!

Maybe we weren’t the ones that started comparing and it has made us very upset and feel inadequate. We need to pick ourselves up and think rationally. Why not we use this comparison as a personal motivation to outdo not our siblings, but ourselves! This can serve as a timely reminder for us to continue putting our best in what we do, and also not let insignificant comments envelope us in ways which are harmful to our personal growth. Also, instead of feeling bad for doing ‘worse’ than our sibling, we should be proud of them for their achievements and continually cheer them on in their pursuit for excellence! Nothing good will come out from feeling negative, so let’s cut that out already.

At the end of the day, even if people compare between siblings, we don’t have to care about it. They’re doing it either because they have nothing better to do, want to spike you or just simply ignorant of others’ feelings. As a private tuition agency in Singapore, FamilyTutor advises you to be mature and ignore the things that don’t matter, focus on what matters instead! Press on!

Hey, ‘Trailing Thoughts’ is a series that is here to stay. We discuss the big questions in our heads – the journey was never easy but we go step by step!



Zoe is an undergraduate student in Singapore who loves thinking deeply and translating them into writing. She hopes her reflective opinions and sound advice weaved into relevant articles will be useful for you in one way or another!

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