Choices: Dealing With A Breakup Amidst Schooling

This is a heavy topic, but we need to talk about it. Breakup. Now what?

1. Give yourself time; Self-care is important

Dealing with a breakup can be physically-exhausting, mentally-draining, and cause one to be emotionally devastated. You are at your lowest point, and there may be a lot of things you need to play through and arrange properly in your heart and mind. All of these take time, and the worst thing you can do to yourself is to not give yourself this time. Maybe you have seen your peers getting over a relationship really quickly, and you feel somewhat inferior to them for taking a relatively longer time. But when you force yourself to progress faster than what you need, it’s almost the same as forcing an ill person to resume Physical Education lessons and physical activities before his/her body can withstand the pressure. This may lead to some drastic measures, such as going on a ‘breakup diet’, overworking yourself, over-exercise, or even more self-harming. You deserve the time to prioritize yourself, and treat yourself well during this period of time. While it is true that time can heal emotional wounds, you can expedite the process by taking complete control over your physical and mental health – your personal well-being in general. If you feel like calling off some study time after school to go on a little shopping getaway, let yourself do so. If you simply cannot focus on doing your homework anymore and need to speak to some friends, let yourself do so. If you need to sleep a little earlier and wake up a little later, let yourself do so. There is no better time to listen to what you need from yourself.

2. Recognise what makes you happy

It could be hard to get excited about the things you used to enjoy doing, but the only way to start enjoying yourself again is to actually get to doing those things that always made you happy. If going with a friend or two will give you more comfort, ask your friends along. As you do what makes you happy, enjoy them, and create some genuine laughter in the process, your mood can be greatly boosted and your overall health improves. If you find your mind clouded and you don’t know what makes you happy anymore, maybe you can begin by penning your thoughts down and reminding yourself of all the great things in life. It could almost feel impossible to look beyond the immediate feelings of pain and loss, but practicing the act of giving thanks for things in your life can even out your moods and bring you back to a brighter, less negative headspace. A factory reset for your mind may just be what you need to start on a happy note again.

3. Let your friends know what you need

In our times in school, it could be hard to juggle school and a breakup, so friends are actually super important during these times. Let your friends know what you need from them. It could be a simple meal together, a study session together, or just hanging out at your favorite places, or even comfortably at one of your homes. Don’t keep things all to yourself and force yourself to ‘mature’. You may just be hurting yourself more and creating more pressure for yourself in this period of recovery. It could be difficult to confess these problems to our friends, especially if they are mutual friends with our ex. It may even be a more difficult situation when friend divisions are created because of the breakup, and you are left stuck in between. But even amidst the awkwardness, don’t hesitate to reach out those whom you trust. If you feel uncomfortable sharing with those mutual friends, you can always find another trusted person to share with, be it a simple acquaintance or a trusted adult, including your family members. Remember, you need to prioritize your own needs at this period. Seek help humbly and look to your friends.

4. You are free to clear the clutter for yourself

After a breakup, there could be many things that are always bringing you back to the past memories that you wish to forget. There could be feelings of regret, or even some negative feelings that make you want to remove these things. But then, your emotions could be holding you back and it may feel like a pity to just clear these things away. Well, this is a sound dilemma that many would face whilst going through this period. There is no right and wrong, or a better or worse way to go about coming into a conclusion for this. Everyone has different comfort levels and coping methods, and there could be just some ways that are better for you. Regardless of whichever type you are, I would like to remind you that you, yes you, have the very complete control to decide whether you want these things to stay or go. If this is a clutter of bad memories to you, you are free to clear it. If this means blocking your ex out completely, in school or on social media, you are free to do it. If you would prefer to hold onto these memories, but keep them in an unseen spot, you are free to do it. Essentially, anything that is best for you.

5 Schoolwork may just be grabbing your attention

At the end of the day, you are still a student who still has school work to juggle with. It may not be a bad idea to redirect your focus to what should be your top priority after all. Yes, it could be extremely hard and you might not be in your best state to switch on your mental engine for studying again. But there is no better time to focus on what you might have lacked focus on, than this very time. Your academic work may just be piling up. That being said, with reference to point 1, you should not force yourself to immediately be back on full-study mode if you need a gradual transition. It is alright to just turn your back on your past relationship, and first, take a baby step by looking towards the future and what you need to focus on. If you need additional help while going through this phase, don’t hesitate to seek help. If you need a partner to study with, you can ask your friends or schoolmates. If you need some guidance to bring you back to studying, you can always find academic mentors, be it school resources or external private tutors in Singapore. What matters ultimately, is that you can finally pick yourself up from where you had a downfall, and redirect your life focus to what really matters to you and fulfills your life.

As a Singapore tuition agency, FamilyTutor wishes you well, and hopes you take care. If you need academic guidance, we have professional tuition services which can be tailored to your needs okay!

By the way, the ‘Simply Advice’ series conveniently gives you information that is useful any day any time. It aims to shed some light on pertinent topics and provide you with the best advice!



Zoe is an undergraduate student in Singapore who loves thinking deeply and translating them into writing. She hopes her reflective opinions and sound advice weaved into relevant articles will be useful for you in one way or another!

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